My Secret Kink Experiment...

I've always had this secret side of me that I never really explored. My name is Alex, and I'm a grad student in my mid-twenties. Over the past few weeks, I started to delve into an online community dedicated to kinks and fetishes... it was scary at first but also oddly liberating. I found a forum for DDLG/kink confessions that seemed like a safe space where people could share anonymously. I've always had fantasies about being dominated or even just treated like a child in some scenarios, but never acted on them until now. The idea of giving up control and letting someone else take charge was both terrifying and exciting... A week ago, I decided to try something. I messaged an older man from the forum who goes by 'Mentor.' He's a lot more experienced than me in this lifestyle. We agreed to meet at a quiet hotel. Once there, he gave me strict instructions. At first it felt weird... but also kind of freeing. We started with some basic role-playing where I had to follow his commands obediently. As the night went on, things got more intense and explicit. He'd spank me when I disobeyed or didn't do something perfectly... I can still feel the burn... By the end, I felt a strange mix of shame but also release. After we 'bedded down' together (his words), he gave me homework to complete before our next meeting. I'm conflicted, part of me wants more of this exploration, while another is scared it's all a facade and will ruin my life... Am I the asshole for indulging in these fantasies with an anonymous stranger? Is there something wrong or unhealthy about my desires...?