Secret Playground of Pleasure

I've been struggling with something that I never imagined would be a part of my life. As a personal trainer, I pride myself on being fit and healthy, but lately, there's this other side to me that I'm not sure how to handle. You see, I discovered this hidden room in the back of an old gym where some people engage in DDLG play. It's like stepping into a different world, one filled with adult toys, costumes, and roles that are so far from my usual comfort zone. I found myself drawn there, wanting to explore but also feeling incredibly conflicted. I'm not sure what's driving this urge or where it came from, but I couldn't stop thinking about those moments when I peeked into the room and saw people engaging in role-play that was so different from anything I've ever done before. The other night, after a particularly stressful day at work, I found myself back there. I didn't mean to be caught, but one of the regulars saw me hovering by the door. He called out and invited me in. To my surprise, he started talking about discipline and age-play, things that were entirely new to me. It was intense, way beyond anything I've ever experienced before. He played a dominant role while I tried on various outfits and acted like a child. We did things there that made me feel incredibly vulnerable but also strangely aroused. It wasn't something I planned or wanted to do, yet here I am, writing about it because I need to figure out how this fits into my life. And you know what? I'm scared of admitting even to myself that maybe I like it, that part of me craves these moments where I can let go and be someone else. Is there something wrong with wanting to explore my limits in a safe space with people who understand? This is all so new and confusing for me, but as I type this out, I realize I might need to find ways to manage these urges without letting them consume my life or work ethic. I guess I just needed to confess this somewhere, even if no one else ever reads it.