...Embarrassingly Dependent on Him...

I’ve been married to my husband for twelve years now. I was the military spouse, always moving and adapting to new bases, but somehow we made it work... Our family dynamic changed when our daughter left home last year for college, leaving just my husband and me. It felt like a big part of my identity vanished with her... In the past few months, things between us started feeling strange... My husband began treating me differently. He called me “Mommy” and made me address him as “Sir.” At first, I was confused but tried to humor him by playing along. But over time, it evolved into something deeper... I found myself wanting more control in our dynamic; I’d take on the role of his authority figure... We talked about it at length, making sure we were both comfortable and that everything stayed consensual. He agreed enthusiastically, explaining he felt more secure with me as the leader... But the truth is, underneath all this confidence I put up, I’m scared to admit how much I enjoy it... I feel like a little kid again in his presence. We do these silly roleplays where he acts out childish situations and I’m supposed to scold him or give him chores as punishment... It’s embarrassing yet thrilling at the same time... Yesterday we had one of those sessions, with me acting like I was annoyed but secretly giggling inside while issuing make-believe punishments. Afterwards, though, there was this lingering sense of shame that gnawed at me all day long... How could someone my age still be so dependent on these childish games? And yet, it's not just about the roleplay, I feel like I rely on him too much in real life now, taking cues from our dynamic even when we’re both dressed normally and talking as equals. It’s weird but strangely comforting... I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need help figuring out how to balance this new side of myself with the regular “me.” How do you embrace a fun kink without it feeling like it defines who you are outside of playtime? This is just a long confession from someone struggling to understand their newfound desires... ...