...Embarrassing Desires...

Ever since I ended my long-term relationship last month...I've been struggling with something I never expected to feel. It started small, just daydreams, fantasies about being submissive to someone older and wiser. But then it became more frequent...more vivid. One night, while watching a film that touched on the theme of mentorship and guidance in a way that was both strict and caring, my mind wandered down paths I never knew existed before. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized I wanted to experience something similar with another adult male, someone who could take charge, teach me, and make decisions for us...I wanted him to be the one in control, to set boundaries that would challenge and discipline me. The thought is both thrilling and terrifying...so much so that I've been unable to talk about it openly even with myself until now. It's like there's this part of me that craves guidance and protection more than anything else, but another part of me feels deeply ashamed for these desires...and yet, here I am confessing them on an anonymous forum because no one in my life would understand...no one.