A Slippery Slope I Never Imagined

I’ve always been someone who enjoys exploring the nuances of power dynamics in relationships. At 36, I find myself oscillating between wanting to be taken care of and nurturing my partner, but recently, things have shifted uncomfortably for me. It’s something I can’t talk about openly, even here, but it’s eating away at me and I need to confess this anonymously. It started innocently enough with a mutual interest in age-play. My partner and I agreed on being each other's care-givers from time to time as part of our DDLG dynamic. We set rules, limits, and boundaries that we both felt comfortable with, no crossing into anything non-consensual or uncomfortable for either party. As time went by, my desire to be a little girl grew stronger than expected. I found myself becoming increasingly reliant on him to take care of me in more ways than just the agreed-upon roles. It was exhilarating and comforting to have someone else manage things that can feel overwhelming as an adult, paying bills, making dinner, even something as simple as reminding me about appointments. But then it started sneaking into other aspects of my life. I began expecting him to make decisions for me outside our role-play sessions too; big decisions like career changes or even smaller ones where it was clear he had no real authority over me. It became this constant undercurrent that made me question whether we were really equals in a relationship, or if the dynamics had become skewed towards one side. That’s when I started feeling ashamed and unsure of myself. It dawned on me that while all of this play was consensual, it might not be healthy for either of us long-term. It’s hard to admit because it feels like an admission of weakness or some kind of failure as a person, but here I am, confessing it anonymously, hoping maybe just talking about it will help.